Who Do You Take Advice From?

I’ve been feeling a bit downhearted this week after two bits of robust feedback, one of which made me feel told off and one of which made me feel a bit useless at something I’m working hard to learn.

I shared how I felt with a friend, who is actually spectacularly successful at this thing and he immediately pulled me up and reminded me that I need only take feedback from people who have successfully done what I want to do, quite frankly, nobody else’s opinion counts.

It’s going to be an interesting balancing act going forwards….

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Clicks And Leads is a “tongue in cheek” digital marketing Vzine by entrepreneur, author, podcaster, speaker, Nicola Cairncross.

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Hi everyone, Nicola here, and I’m back in sunny shore and by sea.

Well it certainly is today anyway, it wasn’t the day I arrived. I’m staying with Phoebe and Nelson for a few days on route to Australia. And, of course, while I’m in Australia the whole Brexit thing’s going to kick off. So I’ll be coming back after that happens.

And who knows whether they’ll let me into any of the countries I want to go to when I come back. We’ll have to wait and see won’t we?

So, one of the first things that happened when I got back was that Phoebe and I went to lunch with a very charismatic character called Fox. Who I’ve known for a little while now. He and his partner were in the back of a Worthing Chamber of Commerce speaking gig I did. And it was really great, ’cause they immediately started to talk to me afterwards. And we realised that we had a lot in common. And we had lunch and got to know each other.

Anyway, Phoebe and I went for lunch with Fox, and he is watching these videos, which is really interesting, because when you’re making them, sometimes you think that you’re talking to just one person. I always try and picture my ideal client. I’ve got several ideal clients.

So I sort of picture them in my head when I’m talking to them. And Fox I didn’t think would ever become a client of mine. But he’s actually making noises like he’d like to work with me. Which is really cool. And also he’d like to work with Phoebe. Which is even more cool. And the funny thing is that you just make these videos, and you don’t know who’s watching.

And there’s lots of people watching out there, and they’re all thinking, do I like this person? Does she have anything that she could teach me? Does she have anything that she could do for me? And am I getting a sense from these videos that this is someone I would like to work with?

So, you’ve got to keep doing them though, because the lack of response sometimes makes you think there’s nobody watching. But I can promise you, there is. And Fox was very complimentary about the message in the videos, and the way I deliver them. And the fact that he really feels that he can relate to me through what I’m saying on these one minute videos and my VZINES.

So, it was a very nice reminder that there are people listening and people watching, and that I should keep going with them even sometimes when I don’t feel like it. So thank you very much to everyone who watches and listens. I really appreciate you.

I’m off to the pictures tonight with Phoebes. We’ve been having a lovely lazy weekend, after going out on Friday night to the local. And we’re going to see, I’m not actually sure, it’s an action adventure thriller with a young female part person part cartoon protagonist. So, I’m looking forward to seeing that, because I’m trying to write action thrillers at the moment. I’ve got more to say about that in a little bit. So, let’s get on with the show, shall we?

So, I was talking to a friend of mine today who is a best selling author twice over. And he said, what’s happening with your book then, and I said, well I’ve sort of given up on it for the moment, because it feels a bit like wading through treacle. And he said, well tell me what you mean. And I said, well, I turn up to my writing club, and I read out some of my work in progress, and everyone critiques it. And they critique in a positive fashion, it’s always constructive. And it always tells me where they think I can improve, and we do that for each other.

So it’s not just me. And I keep getting bogged down in the fact that I’m not technically a great writer. I can write. I’ve written five business books. But I’m not traditionally trained, and haven’t been to universities doing English literature or creative writing or anything like that.

So, I keep getting bogged down in the technique of writing. And trying to be a better writer, because that is the point of going to my writing group. We all want to be the best writers we can be. And he said to me, well, the problem is that you are taking advice from people who haven’t actually done what you want to do. And he said, I take it that you want to actually write this book, get it published, and get it up on Amazon and selling don’t you? And I said, yes, of course I do.

And he said, well you’re taking advice from people who are well meaning and who obviously know a lot about what they’re talking about when it comes to writing properly. But you’re not taking advice from people who have done what you want to do. Which is to finish a book, get it published, and get it selling. And he’s got a point.

So, I have been wallowing in feeling not good enough. I’m not good enough by the standards of people who go to university and do literature degrees. And who take a long time to craft a perfect novel. I’m certainly not as good as those people. But what I might be good enough for is to finish a book, get to pay someone to edit it, to get the grammar and the spelling, and the technical bits right. And then get it on to Amazon and get it selling. I might be good enough for that.

So, the moral of this story that I’m trying to get over to you is that you need to be careful that you’re taking advice from people who have done specifically what you want to do. Not done things that you haven’t done. Or who want to do things that you don’t want to do. Or who want to do things in a different way to the way you want to do them. Go and seek out advice from people who’ve done what you want to do in the way you want to do it.

Now I know I’ve talked about this before in this VZINE, but if someone like me who’s on the lookout for this stuff all the time with my clients. If I can fall into that trap and get discouraged, and downhearted and feeling not good enough about a project that I was so enthusiastic and keen about. Then you guys have to be even more so on the lookout for it.

So, what I want you to do is I want you to think about a project that you may have stalled or given up on, because other people were not very encouraging about it. Or who keep trying to make you do things in a way that you don’t want to do them. And trust yourself, trust your internal gut feelings. And trust the fact that you might know better about how you want to do things. And go and get advice from people who’ve actually achieved the thing that you want to do.

That is my main message in this week’s VZINE for you. Hope it helps.

So, what’s on the blog and podcast?

On the blog this week we are following the story of Megan who is a independent consultant and specialist in her field. And she’s trying to work out how to market herself more effectively, because all of her income has come previously through either associate work or referrals, and that’s starting to dry up.

So, yeah, we talk about how she can use the Be Everywhere Online system to improve that. And on the podcast this week, on episode 217, we’re talking about how to feel less busy and stressed. I’ve been feeling quite stressed the last couple of months. And quite busy the last week or so, because I wanted to catch up with everything and get ahead. And it was really interesting. It was all in my head basically.

I was making it all up as Judith pointed out so kindly. But we did work out how I could stop feeling less busy, and stressed even when I’m not. And that’s really worth listening to that episode if you get overwhelmed and you feel busy and you feel stressed yourself.

So, ownitthepodcast.com/217 to check out that episode. And I really hope you enjoy it. We’d love always to, if you’d to come and join the Facebook group for Own It the podcast. And tell us what you think of the show. And of course five star reviews are always welcome.

I hope all that helps this week. And do feel free to come along and make a comment wherever you see this VZINE. Whether it’s on YouTube, on the blog, on the iTunes, anywhere you like really. Or on Facebook, indeed. So, I’ll be coming to you next week from Australia. And I might even manage to interview a few people, you never know. That would be quite fun, wouldn’t it?

So, yeah, down under, here I come.

Creative Direction & Video Editing
Phoebe Soremekun

Intro Music
Pool Cosby

Incidental Music
The Messenger – Silent Partner (No Copyright Music)
[Non-Copyrighted Music] Chill Jazzy Lofi Hip Hop (Royalty Free) Jazz Hop Music

Drone footage of The Mani
Georgios Ser-Aouas

Drone Footage of Shoreham by Sea
Scott Wright Photography

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