Having difficult conversations is a really tricky one. I really hate confrontation, I absolutely do, but there is little formula that you could try and remember which might make difficult conversations easier.
The first thing to remember is to never start a conversation sentenced with you or with starting with I, because people can’t argue with what you feel, but they can argue with you if you say you did this or you said that or you meant this. That’s not a good way to go.
So if you can remember PPFC, which is permission, perception, feelings, and change. And what you do is you first rule ask people for their permission to give them some feedback. Now most people are going to say yes. It’s very rare that someone would say no and so once you’ve got the permission, you then need to go and give them the feedback in a way that can best be received.
Perception is the next one. You come at the next bit by saying, “My perception is,” and then tell them what your perception is and they can argue with it and they can correct you if your perception is wrong. We must always remember Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People where he says, “Seek first to understand.” It may well be that your perception is wrong.
The next one is feelings and this is where you talk about how you feel about what you’ve perceived in the other person’s behaviour. It’s really important to talk about how their behaviour is making you feel but not talk about their feelings. You have got no idea how they feel, you only know how you feel.
And then, make a request, make a request for the change that you desire to see, and if someone is a reasonable person then they’ve realised what they’re doing and how it’s making you feel and how you perceive it or how it’s perceived by other people.
Then most people will endeavour to make the change that you’re requesting. If they can’t or they won’t, that’s another conversation altogether.
So PPFC. Permission, perception, feelings, and request a change. See how you get on with that, love to hear your comments on the comment section underneath here.
My name is Nicola Cairncross and I can help you market your business better online. Find out more and get my new book at http://NicolasBook.com